pacific
I can’t move.
For the first time in my life I’m completely, utterly paralyzed and empty. It’s a rut that’s been building and has now taken epic proportions, affecting me not only creatively, but physically and psychologically. My studio feels like a cage where everything has gone dark and silent. Days are both fleeting and never ending. I turn around and a month has gone by – but I have nothing to show for it. I’m like Allison Janney in American Beauty.
This has to stop.
I had a talk with my girlfriend about a month ago. We’ve been together a long, long time. She knows me more than she should. She basically told me to pack my gear, get in the car and drive. Find whatever, out there somewhere, fill my head again.
She’s pretty great.
And that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m heading west ’til I reach the edge of the continent. The Rockies, Vancouver, Tofino, the Pacific. An ocean to kickstart my soul.
I’m taking an old Powerbook along but I won’t be doing any real work with it. I’ll process everything when I get back.
I know I’m going to miss my family terribly – just thinking about it already fills me with this crazy sense of loss. But hopefully they’ll be getting back a better father/husband/person.
So I’m off to seek The Canadians. I’m off to scratch open my eyes on 4000 miles of road, through the glaciers and plains of this Great White North.
Catch you all later.
Alive
Yes, I know: summer is now over. Admittedly music has taken a back seat to photography these past months. Not sure how this is going to impact the new album. I’ve managed to write a couple more songs that might make the cut – old habits die hard you know. This is just a post to let you know I’m still alive. Heliotrope will come out eventually too. Later guys.
the heliotrope preview pack
Hey there,
I’ve decided to do something a little special. Heliotrope is now scheduled for next Fall for a couple of – I think – pretty good reasons:
1) I want to sit back and get some perspective.
2) Bernard Falaise will be adding some tracks but won’t be able to get around to it until late summer.
3) We’re counting down the weeks/days to the birth of Heloïse.
So, to make up for what will probably be a pretty silent summer on my part, I’ve put together what I call the heliotrope preview pack which contains:
- Heliotrope Global Soundscape: A mix teaser of every song on the upcoming album. This should give you a pretty solid idea of its sound.
- swarm-summer cathedral mix: A free version of the new song Swarm. This is not the final version you’ll get on the album. It’s a pre-mix that may or may not resemble what will be officially released.
- heliotrope-preview.jpg: A cover for he preview files.
- heliotrope-preview-wall.jpg: A 1920×1200 wallpaper.
Check out the Soundscape:
Feel free to spread the files around as you see fit – tell your friends, your family, your kids, broadcast them, sing’em out loud ;-)
I’ll be back to tell you guys when our little girl hits our dimension (!) – in the meantime have a great summer and take care.
Later.
v2
The creative process is rarely a linear endeavour. No matter how great you feel about your latest work, chances are you’ll do a 360 a few days later. Projects are in constant flux, “saviour” ideas are suddenly dismissed with absolute clarity, reborn and transformed. As I said about the cover art: it ain’t over til it’s over.
So it has been with the song Heliotrope. I tried all sorts of angles, re-mixed it several times and just pretty much banged my head on the wall with every note in it. In the end though, it headed for the dustbin. Well, not exactly: a portion of it is in my current line-up as a sort of transitional song/thingy entitled années lumière (!).
In its place is this new title song. Not the final mix but you get the idea.
And yes: it really does end that abruptly.
new pictures
I’m testing new lighting ideas – using myself as the subject. I’ve inserted a couple on the front page slideshow. This might impact the look of the album’s booklet. And yes… maybe the cover. It ain’t over til it’s over.
P.S. The martini glass shots are part of the same battery of tests…
twitttterrerrrr?
I downloaded the new Tweetie app everyone’s raving about and opened a Twitter account. Not sure where this will go but if you’re a twitterer (right?) give me a shout – or tweet…. whatever. Might be a cool way to keep in touch and post album updates without going into a full post here.
facelift
Worked my butt off this morning and the original Heliotrope is now back in the album with a new title. Added a whole bunch of tracks, laboured on the mix – I was still going back and forth even as I was re-working it but I think it works now. I had the same problem on BGD with Craving the Ether. It took me awhile to find the sound that worked. We’ll see how I feel about it in the next few days…
one heliotrope down
Creation is a strange beast. A few weeks ago I released a couple of drafts from the upcoming album, one of which was the title song Heliotrope. My friend Rowley even played it on his show. Well, I’ve been working quite a bit on getting everything together since then and this morning I realized the song just didn’t work. No matter how I tweaked it, repositioned it in the makeshift line-up, up or down… it just didn’t gel with the rest of the songs. So this morning I scrapped it. Boom. Gone.
Now I’ve got a new Heliotrope song that feels exactly how I wanted it to feel: kickass, furious and in your face.
I also have what I believe is a final list of eleven songs clocking in at around 45 minutes. Some stuff from the Lab Unit, some things you’ve never heard. It’s starting to feel like an album – got my iPod ready for a run through before I go to sleep tonight…
Avanti!
How cool is this: Avanti! the new Miriodor album for which I did the photography and design is coming out on May 5 – my birthday :-)
I already have my copy btw and it’s an amazing album. Their best yet imho. Check it out at Amazon.com: Avanti: Miriodor: Music.
There’s a full review here as well (and the guy nails the cover concept in the final paragraph).
News
A very cool write-up about the new songs by Pope JTE over at the Ripple Effect: The Ripple Effect: Rumors Heard in MySpace, Vol. II, Episode 2.
News about my friend Jeff from Mountain Mirrors as well…
take 3
I was out most of the day today. Both Cynthia and Anaïs had a doctor’s appointment and I went shopping for a car – we won’t fit in the one we have now once Heloïse is born…
I’ve been working on two other songs, one of which I’ll probably post in a couple of days.
But here’s another take on the cover idea. I added a burst of light in the upper right corner and some textures. Still need to tweak the lettering. And the orange type is gone. I got that message loud and clear ;-)
cover art 2
This is becoming a weird stream of consciousness but maybe orange type isn’t so bad. Maybe my eyes are shot. Maybe I need to go to bed…
cover art 1
In between songs I’ve started messing around with ideas for album artwork. Here’s a possibility… (update: this is a new version from the one I first posted – orange type? wtf was I thinking?)
it only takes a second to lose someone
The seven notes of the piano intro popped in my head yesterday while the kids were getting ready to leave, so I took 30 seconds to run downstairs and record them. Those 30 seconds ended up monopolizing the day – and a portion of the evening.
It’s no secret that I’m more and more obssessed by how fleeting and finite things are becoming. The news of Natasha Richardson’s death yesterday morning just served as a reminder of this. I think these things carry a lot more impact when you have a family of your own. The more you love, the more you fear losing those you love. I saw Neeson on the Daily Show a few weeks back, talking about his wife and kids, looking happy and content.
Man… you just never know.
the promised
Here’s another rough and tumble mix for a new Heliotrope song called the promised.
Update: 03/18 new version with tweaked arrangements.
dual(ité)
For those interested in my other persona: I’ve just started a new photoblog called dual(ité). I wonder why I’d choose that name…
Heliotrope
A couple of weeks ago, I watched a TED conference with Elizabeth Gilbert. It was about the artist’s relationship to the creative process. You should watch it. The gist of it is that maybe creation happens in spite of us. Maybe we’re just following the directions of a “genius” whispering in our ear. In other words, maybe it’s out of our control. She mentioned an anecdote from Tom Waits where he said he was driving one day and this song came in to his head. He couldn’t do anything about it, didn’t have anything to record it or write anything down. So he just looked up at the sky and said: “Excuse me, can you not see that I’m driving? If you really want to exist come back at a more opportune time, otherwise go bother somebody else…”. Apparently his whole work process changed after that.
I find the idea fascinating. Mostly because regardless of my love for music I’ve always felt a slave to it. I have notebooks dating back to when I was a teenager that talk about music as a disease. It’s always been something I couldn’t help doing. A song will appear in my head fully formed and I have to try transcribing it as best I can. When I can’t do it in time it leaves and is lost forever. Yes it’s a release and a way to express things I won’t necessarily say out loud. But it’s a fucking pain. I don’t labour on songs in a conscious and deliberate way. I run like hell to bring it into daylight. It’s a birthing – every time.
So now here I am. Again having said I’d do something else for awhile. Again being bombarded by new songs, screaming in my ears. So fuck it. I know it’s pointless. I know I’m probably wasting my time. But if I don’t listen, I’ll go mad.
I’m posting Heliotrope. As I said in my previous post, it’s likely the title song for the next album. I can feel a bunch of them lining up, all in a row. Waiting.
Pushing.
i was a love
Ok, I can’t stop. I’ll probably die with a song in my head and no one around to listen. I do know this: there’s a new album forming called heliotrope - because searching for light has become both a figurative and literal fact of existing. This winter is long and preying on me like a wolf. One of those dark transitory episodes I need to go through. The song is called i was a love. It’s not finished but it’s the start of something.
vapid eye movement
This is a project I’ve been working on, trying to stitch ideas and making sense of what’ I’ve been shooting these past few months. There’s a common stylistic thread that I think is pretty obvious but now the subtext is kinda coming together as well. I’m brainstorming around the idea of separate rooms with unique soundscapes for each collection of photographs…
Music and photography – who’d a thunk it? ;-)
I am
A musician. I’ve been a musician all my life I think. Even before I could carry a tune on the piano, I was busy inventing my own.
I’m a father. Of two and – come next July – three. A bit of an announcement here.
I’m also a ghost of sorts. Because Jade Leary doesn’t exist. My name is Patrick La Roque.
Jade Leary was a band project that became a solo project that became an avatar. Not deliberately – it just happened. At some point around 2000 I stopped correcting people calling me Jade and just went with it. I was already using leary as my online nickname in all sorts of places so what the hell. I’m sorry if this shatters illusions some of you may have out there. No one probably gives a damn but I do apologize if you do. Then again, maybe it’s just my own illusions being shattered.
Why now?
I had a conversation with my ex business partner a few months ago. We were discussing what I wanted to do going forward – I’d become more and more disinterested in the projects we were doing and it was becoming more and more apparent. I said I was tired of being a jack of all trades and wanted to just focus on my key interests. I mentioned photography. He then said something that has stuck with me since. He said: “Oh… well I have no need for photography. You can do that as Jade Leary or something…”. Or something.
It was a dismissive tone. That’s how I received it anyway.
I decided then and there that it wouldn’t be “or something”. No more hiding.
Sometimes I think life does show you the way. Beyond the mumbo jumbo and pseudo-mystic theories about fate and whatnot, currents seem to appear in the chaos – ebbs and flows. Direction.
I began taking photography seriously only about a year and a half ago. But I did it under my own name. My real name. And doors have been opening from the very beginning. I’ve sold pictures to major worldwide companies; I’ve been getting commission work; I’ve opened my own studio; and just before the holidays, I signed a contract with an exclusive stock agency called First Light whose collections appear in stock houses I never dreamed I would be a part of.
Maybe it’s cosmic. Knock on wood.
Maybe life was just waiting for me to show my face and stop hiding.
Or maybe I’m just a better photographer than I am a musician.
In any case, I feel it’s time to take down the mask. You can still call me Jade if you want. I’m still planning a new album this year. I couldn’t stop writing if I wanted to.
But I won’t be heading to the studio. I’m not investing in music anymore. Nothing beyond my time anyway.
I am Patrick La Roque. I run a project called Jade Leary. I am a father, a photographer and a musician. In that order.
Happy New Year guys.
P.S My photography is here.
Yes you did
Dear USA,
Thank you so much.
The shape of things
After the Miriodor photoshoot last Saturday, I spent the evening drinking and listening to music with Bernard and Nico – at Bern’s apartment. He’s into a big roots trip these days so we were knee deep in Johnny Cash, Hank Williams and Les Paul. This last one was a revelation. We all know the historical contributions of Les Paul and the mythology surrounding him. But man…. the music. There’s some amazing stuff in his catalog and his production work for the era is nothing short of astounding. Check out Smoke Rings and Caravan. There’s just something about this that puts a smile on my face.
Towards the end of the evening I was alone with Bernard and we started listening to demos of our current projects. Out of that session and our conversations, an idea emerged regarding the next album. There isn’t going to be a next album.
There’s going to be two.
A minimalistic/introspective piano album with a very airy and spaced out production; and a screamer recorded live with my band in the studio. Raw vs Echo. Yin vs Yang.
I’ve got this working title concept of Push (live) and Pull (piano) in my head. I’m pretty excited.
So to celebrate I’ve added two new ideas in the Lab Unit that illustrate the concept pretty well I think:
- no one in these sands
- turbine
Later.
Hail
First, something from the NYT that had me laughing yesterday morning:
“Really, if McCain is going to keep changing into new people, the campaign should send out notices. (Come to a rally for the next president of the United States. Today he’s a vegetarian!)”
Maybe the campaign song should now be The Great Pretender…
I’ve posted a new draft called Hail in the Lab Unit that’s got a bit of a different groove. Let me know what you think.
And tomorrow I’m shooting my buddies Miriodor for their upcoming album. I’ll post some of the results in the next few days. Later.
